Dean's Realization
by Delena4Nian50
Summary: The aftermath of Season 2 Episode 1 In My Time of Dying. Dean's reaction to his father's death.


**Summary**: What happened in the minutes after the doctor pronounced John Winchester dead? This will give a better look into what the boys were feeling and thinking up until their release and until they left for Bobby's.

Note: I do not own these characters or anything about them. I only possess the words on this page. Thank Eric Kripke for the boy's existence.

Chapter 1

**Doctor: **Okay….stop compressions.

**Dean:** No…dad…please?

**Doctor:** I'm calling it. Time of death, 10:41 AM.

Dean's knees gave out and turned to jello. He felt as if he had no legs to stand on, someone had taken them when they took his father. He fell into Sam and began sliding to the floor. Luckily Sam had been there to catch him otherwise Dean would fallen right to the ground and most likely hurting himself again.

**Sam:** Dean, come on…let's get you back to your room. You shouldn't be out of bed yet.

Dean would not respond. It was almost as if he could hear Sam, but he couldn't understand what was being said to him. There was a moment where Sam was positive Dean hadn't blinked since hearing the news. Dean was just gone. Sam looked to one of the nurses in their fathers room.

**Sam:** Excuse me, could I get some help here?

**Nurse:** What happened here?

**Sam:** I think he is in shock. He grabbed me and fell to the floor. I grabbed him before he hit his head so I think he's okay.

**Nurse: **Just help me lift him into this wheel chair and we can take him back to his room.

They reached Dean's room down the hall and got him back into his bed. They set up his IV, put his blood pressure cuff back on and applied the heart monitor pads. Dean was awake for the process, but said nothing. He just stared at the hallway with such sadness in his eyes.

**Dean:** Sammy?

**Nurse:** No, but I can get him for you. He is resting right next to you.

She walked to the other side of Dean's bed to Sam's chair by the window, where he was sound asleep. She gently shook him awake.

**Nurse:** Sorry to wake you, but your brother is awake and asking for you.

**Sam:** Dean? Oh, thank you.

Sam grabbed his chair and moved to Dean's bedside. He sat down cautiously and nervously. He was scared of what might happen to Dean now that their father is dead.

**Sam:** I'm here Dean.

**Dean:** Sammy…'ers dad?

Sam had feared that this would happen. He was not prepared to tell his brother the truth, but he couldn't lie to him either. Sam felt tears approach the corners of his eyes.

**Sam:** Dean…he's…he died Dean.

**Dean:** No…no he's not! Don't say that you son of a bitch!

**Sam:** I am sorry Dean…the doctors, they tried…

**Dean:** No! Stop lying! He's not dead!

Dean started to hyperventilate and thrash around on his hospital bed. He lost it and didn't want to stop. He was angry and upset. He wanted to yell. He needed to hit something. If Sam hadn't called the nurses when he did, he might have hurt himself.

**Sam:** Dean, you need to calm down. Please.

**Dean:** Dad is not dead Sam! I wanna see Dad!

The nurse came in with a syringe in her hand. She walked over to Dean's IV pole.

**Sam:** What is that that you are giving him?

**Nurse:** It's just a mild sedative. It will help him calm down and get some rest.

**Dean:** No!...no, dr'gs. Sam'y…

**Nurse:** Just rest. Your body needs to heal.

Dean was out like a light. Sam was just happy that Dean was resting and giving his body the time it needs to heal. He fixed his seat to a comfortable position and tried to get some sleep.

A few hours later Dean's doctor came in and woke him from a deep sleep. He jumped at the surprise of seeing someone standing over him.

**Doctor:** Sorry if I startled you. I wanted to ask you some questions before your brother wakes up.

**Sam:** Alright. What's going on?

**Doctor:** If you need, we can call a grief counselor down here. I think it would do Dean some good. It gives him someone to talk to that isn't affected by it.

Sam thought about it for a second before saying yes. Maybe it would actually help for Dean to speak with a professional before they hit the road again.

**Sam:** It might not be a bad idea. I will let you know.

**Doctor:** Okay. I will let you back to your rest now. You seem tired yourself. I am sorry about your loss, by the way.

**Sam:** Thanks Doc.

Sam fell back asleep almost instantaneously.

Dean woke up, crying out for their father around 10pm. The boys had slept for the better part of the day. Sam thought he was dreaming it, but once he realized it really was coming from Dean, he snapped awake.

**Sam:** Dean? Dad's not here…I am here. You have nothing to be afraid of now. I am looking out for you.

Sam noticed a few stray tears slid down Dean's cheeks and his brother sniffed his already congested nose. He could do nothing but sit there and try to console his brother's broken soul.

A few days later, the doctors came to Dean's room and released him. He hadn't spoken a word since the day their father died. Sam was scared for Dean. Sam and the doctor stood out in hall so Dean could not hear them.

**Doctor:** Here is the prescription for your brother's pain meds. He has a long way to go still in terms of recovery. He needs rest, no stress for a little while and make sure he stays hydrated. Check his bandages every day. If his wounds start to look infected again, just bring him right back here.

**Sam:** Thank you doctor.

Sam pulls the doctor away from Dean's doorway.

**Sam:** Doctor…he hasn't said anything yet. He just stares out the window.

**Doctor:** I understand your concerns Sam, but actually everything you are experiencing with Dean is normal. Grief is such a tough thing to go through. Everyone has a different coping mechanism. It is especially difficult when it affects multiple people. If you want, I could recommend an excellent therapist for Dean to speak with.

**Sam:** Thank you doctor. I will take the list as a back up plan. Dean hates doctors, so he would probably never agree to it.

**Doctor:** Well, it's good. Just in case…Alright, your brother is all signed out. If you're ready, I'll have a nurse bring him a wheel chair.

**Sam:** Thank you so much doctor.

Sam walked back to Dean's room, took a deep breath and opened the door. He found Dean curled up on the bed fast asleep, completely dressed and ready to go. He hated to wake up his brother, but he knows that Dean will want to get out of there. He tapped Dean lightly on the shoulder.

**Sam:** It's time to go Dean. Bobby is downstairs. He is going to take us back to his place for a while.

**Dean:** Is dad coming too?

**Sam:** Dean dad's…

Sam stopped and thought for a minute. Maybe it would be best if he just told Dean what he needed to hear. He and Bobby could talk to him when the time is right.

**Sam:** Yea, Dean. He'll be there too. He's going to meet up with us later.

**Dean:** Alright Sam.

**Sam:** Here, Dean. Lean on my shoulder so we can get you in the wheel chair.

**Dean:** I'm fine Sammy…I don't need that thing.

**Sam:** Sorry Dean. Hospital Policy. It's just to the door.

Sam got Dean into the chair and then wheeled him to the elevator and out to Bobby's car. Once he was settled into the backseat they took off for Bobby's house.

Dean slept in the back and stayed that way for the entire ride. It was strange for Dean. Normally he would be asking questions about their next move, the next hunt. Now, he is sleeping and confused and scared. Dean was almost never like that. These are special circumstances.

**Bobby:** How's he doing…ya know, with everything?

Sam looks back at his brother.

**Sam:** Not very well. He still believes that Dad is coming back. I can't seem to make him believe that what I am telling him is the truth.

**Bobby: **He's in shock Sam…I wouldn't worry too much. He just needs time.

**Sam:** I am just really worried about him Bobby…I mean; this is Dad we're talking about. I just wish he would listen to me so we can talk.

**Bobby:** Well, let's get him back to my place. I'll try talking to him this time.

**Sam:** Thank you. I just don't know what else to say.

About 3 hours later, they arrived at Bobby's place.

Sam climbed out of the car and moved to get Dean from the backseat without waking him up.

He tucked one arm around Dean's back and the other under his knees. Dean stirred only briefly and his eyes opened enough for him to figure out that he was at Bobby's house, in his guest room. Sam laid Dean down into the guest bed, removed his boots and laid a blanket over Dean. Sam was about to walk out of the room, when Dean woke up.

**Dean:** Sammy…

**Sam:** Hey Dean…how're ya feeling man?

**Dean: **Sammy…Dad's dead…isn't he?

**Sam:** Yea, Dean. I'm sorry, but yes he is.

Sam reached for Dean and hugged him; letting him know that everything would be okay if he just let's Sam in.

**Sam:** Are you hungry or anything? Want some water?

**Dean:** Uh…maybe uh…maybe some water.

**Sam: **Alright Dean.

Sam proceeded down to the kitchen to get Dean water. He hadn't said much, but he said enough to let Sam know he was listening.

**Bobby:** So, how's he doing?

**Sam:** You were right. He just needed some time to take everything in. He seems to have accepted it. I have to bring him some water.

**Bobby:** Alrighty…well, we should take care of John tonight. Tell Dean that he should rest now so he is ready for later. I don't need him collapsing.

**Sam:** Don't worry Bobby.

Later that night Bobby prepared John's body for a funeral pyre. He asked Sam to bring Dean down. They were going to give Dean some time alone with John's body so he could say goodbye.

**Sam:** Alright Dean, we will be right over there. Just signal when you're ready for us.

**Dean:** Thanks Sammy.

**Dean:** Dad…I wish you hadn't done what you did. I know you sold yourself to the demon for me. I was dead…and you should have left me dead. How am I supposed to live with that for the rest of my life? How am I supposed to face Sammy? And Bobby? I am the reason you are dead. Maybe one day, I'll find a way to live with it. I'll take care of Sammy…just like you always tell me. We're gonna get this demon, dad, me and Sammy. So…I guess…this is…I guess this is goodbye Dad. I love you dad…

Dean broke down in a fit full of tears, on the cold wet ground.

Sam and Bobby joined him and together they paid their last respects to the late great John E. Winchester.

The End.

Reviews are accepted and appreciated! I am always open to the comments of my fans! Don't be shy.


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